The Race Against Time

Flying swiftly in the unlimited skies, driving cautiously in the scorching deserts, and crouching intensely on the rocky ground. This is some of what you can do on Battlefield 3 and lots more. Listening carefully on Battlefield 3 you will play as 4 characters: Blackburn, a US marine, Dima, a Russian agent, Sergeant  Miller, a tank commander, and Jennifer Coby Hawkins, a F18 gunner. All of them have 1 goal to stop the terrorist threat the (PLR) and avert a war between the US and Russia. Overall I would easily give this a 5 out 5 rating because of its inventive creativity, thrilling campaign mode and out of this world multiplayer mode. Furthermore in my personal opinion this game has beaten all the other war games ever made.

By Cameron Brady

Potato Cakes

Splish, 

           Splosh, 

                      Splash,

                                 Nish, 

                                            Nosh, 

                                                       Nash,

                                                                  Bish, 

                                                                             Bosh, 

                                                                                        Bash,

                                                                                                   Mish, 

                                                                                                              Mosh, 

                                                                                                                         Mash.

These are the noises that I make

When I eat potato cakes.

A Poem About Flan

Fortunately for most people, I should wonder, God invented this rather

Luxurious dessert.

A treat, for it most undoubtably is a treat,

Never should it be used in place of bath salts.

Istanbulian flan is rather

Sweet with a crumbly outer layer.

Norwegian flan,

On the other hand,

Tastes disgusting.

A terrible culinary mistake.

German flan is

Often thought to be a cause of migraines.

Other causes might include Oom-pah bands, always causing

Disturbances.

Sultans, prophets

And priests are fans of this often forgotten Sunday dessert,

Neglected and forgotten about in favour of

Dorchester blue and crackers,

Which leads me nicely

Into a line about

Cheeses from around the world, including

Huddersfield.

Final stanza about flan.

I don’t want to

Leave anything out. 

Let me leave you with one thing

Everyone should come to

Realise: Flan is not a good sandwich filler.

Bad Present

Terry West felt stupid. He'd bought his wife a present on impulse and it hadn't paid off.

Up until yesterday, he didn't know what to get her. He just couldn't think.

So at the pub he asked his mates. "What shall I get for my wife's birthday?" he asked. "What shall I get? I want something different. Something she definitely hasn't got" he pleaded.

Little Jimmy in the corner piped up "What about a falcon?"

So Terry got a falcon.

Twenty minutes later, it had killed the cat, made a nest in the knicker drawer and gauged wife's face off.

"THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!" she screamed, choking on her own blood.

And Terry felt certain this was definitely the wrong gift.

Bad Present.

A Short Poem About Brahms

Brahms farms burglar alarms

The Ballad of the Slinkin' Maw

One of the strangest creatures I have saw

Is the English Slinkin’ Maw

It has a nose which is quite like

A broken, rusty motorbike

Its arm are fat and full of hair

It wears sexy underwear

A Maw’s chin is full of spots

All pustules and big red blots

Its legs are long like skipping ropes

Its toes are like wet bars of soap

It slips and slides about the place

And falls down upon its face

Speaking of which its face is red

Like Bolognese on garlic bread

Its ears are like the Blackpool Tower

Its favourite food is cauliflower

It has a tail thats ten foot long

Did I mention it wears thongs?

It has spikes upon its tail

Where it stores one thousand snails

Each Maw owns a pinstiped suit

They’re grade 8 standard on flute

They gobble children who disobey

The things they’re parents and teachers say

They’ll boil you, mash you, scramble, fry,

And make a jam out of your eyes

They’ll mince and bake you, and then they’ll see

If there’s ought left to save for tea

So kids of England please watch out

Or the Slinkin’ Maw will sniff you out